For a lot of Eurovision fans the song that tops their worst song list this year is Latvia’s ‘Cake to Bake’. I however think that singing songs about cakes is much preferential than singing songs about mothers. Yet here we are in 2014 and Belgium’s Axel Hirsoux has chosen his little old mum as the subject for his Eurovision entry.
Now I have nothing against mothers and I love my own very dearly, but it takes a special kind of cheese merchant to stand up in front of the whole world and trill about how much he loves and depends on his mother. Even the fact that the song is called ‘Mother’ and not a more informal derivate of the word; Mum, Mummy, Ma or even Mama (Spice Girls’ song for example), makes it even more staged and cringey.
It was as if the Belgian selection committee sat around a table and discussed demographics, voting patterns etc. and arrived at the decision that mothers form a large segment of voters in Europe, so let’s target them with a song about how everyone loves them. And before anyone could shoot the idea down, or come up with a better one the Head of the Selection Committee had already decided to run with it.
Next on their agenda though was who they could get to perform the now infamous song? Some prissy little guy? A group of young kids? A whole family? No that’s too obvious, let’s pick a guy with a real rock and roll name like Ringo, Clint or Levi…or how about Axel? And so it came to be: Axel Hirsoux, a quite large gentleman in a tuxedo (and who actually has a decent voice), will woo votes from all of Europe’s mothers. You can just see it now, middle aged women in the audience reaching for their tissues, while I reach for my sick bag.
Have a listen to ‘Mother’ below: